You Are Worthy – Holiday Vibes

You Are Worthy

As the holiday season approaches one begins to plan family vacations (or in my case vacations from my family), retrieve their holiday décor, sweaters, blankets, and plan elaborate gatherings. However, these wonderful experiences remain in the background when someone is struggling with an eating disorder because the overwhelming thoughts of increasing number of events, people, food, and vacations that consist of unfamiliar meals that perhaps are not found on MyFitnessPal can paralyze the individual. But you are worthy.

The Question of Recovery

I was speaking with a colleague a few months ago and the question of recovery was discussed. I have had countless clients, colleagues, and friends directly ask, Can someone ever really be recovered? Won’t the thoughts, urges, and feelings remain even when the behavior has long disappeared? Basically, won’t these non-recovered individuals be doomed for all eternity, left to sit with their dark thoughts?” My immediate reaction is to tell this individual to leave my presence, however, my professional manner invites an in-depth discussion of recovery and the potential that everyone has to recover.

You are worthy. It is imperative to know how someone defines recovery because this will provide meaning and perhaps open the door to a powerful discussion. Just as some associate feelings of freedom and relaxation with holidays, others dread the number of gatherings and overwhelming questions from close and distant relatives that the holidays involve. Or is that just my visual and definition? When someone is struggling and in the depths of an eating disorder, substance abuse, depression, anxiety, or perhaps all of the above, definitions and meanings are difficult to verbalize, as emotions arise as a result. Feeling feelings seems like the most terrifying task in the world. Moving forward and change seems nearly impossible and sometimes loved ones share similar feelings. The glimmer of light does not seem within reach or even visible. Without the assistance of professionals, loved ones, one’s own motivation, and treatment the future seems bleak. My peers and colleagues struggle when they point out the inner and outer havoc that the behavior or symptoms are causing. “Bianca, I pointed out their job losses, dysfunctional relationships, and legal issues, all I was given was a blank stare.” I will proceed by asking what their definition of recovery is. Then, I am faced with that same blank stare by my colleagues.

Definitions and Meanings

Definitions and meanings are useful, but they vary from person to person. I was recently at dinner with a friend and she was discussing how she and her husband state they are each “close” to their families of origin, and how she completely disagrees with him. I pointed out that their definitions of “close” are likely different. The response didn’t sit well with her as she defended her stance on the matter. For some people the definition involves each family member knowing each other’s deepest thoughts, whereas some see their immediate families once a year and engage in an occasional phone call which to them signifies closeness. This becomes apparent during the holidays.

Everyone will have a different response to the discussion involving recovery. Some will share their personal story, offer a metaphor, minimize the issue, or explain the brain as well as body chemistry. I have a rather honest, funny, and dark response which ironically is how I am usually described.

Will the feelings remain?

Unfortunately. Will you isolate from gatherings because of the thoughts or avoid your loved ones because of something you are shamefully engaging in, no. Sadly, you won’t wake up to the sound of music and birds dressing you. However, the fog will dissipate, the sunglasses will be removed, the trust will grow, relationships will improve, and a life will be lived.
This is relevant for all forms of recovery; whether it is in recovery from a substance, eating disorder, self-harm, depression, anxiety, gambling, basically anything that is impairing your functioning and or relationships. A professor once said, “If you want to see if you’re struggling with something, abstain from the behavior or the thing itself”. Moans and mumbles in the back of the classroom signified that many of the students had ultimately answered their own question.

Moving forward

The individual who is moving forward is present in their daily life and can define recovery. You are worthy. Truly embracing their existence and showing up each day. My definition involves, someone who recognizes their errors, expresses gratitude, and truly soaks up each experience is in recovery. I see strength in recovery. I often avoid discussions regarding behavior and symptoms, not because I don’t want to hear it but because I rather hear how someone is doing emotionally. How you are doing emotionally will provide insight into motivation and relapses. There is something about being open and receptive to the unknown that seems daunting to some, but for the person in recovery offers a possibility. As the saying goes, “take one day at a time.” Everyone is worthy and deserving of recovery. This holiday season I invite you to define recovery, wear your favorite sweater, eat the baked goods, and embrace the relative you simply can’t stand because you are worthy.